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For graduates and their families, check out "A Parent's Thoughts at Graduation" audio at http://t.co/Kr1CAL0R — 1 week 6 hours ago

Calamari is like deep fried Gorilla cuticles. — 3 weeks 2 days ago

John Milton said, "What hath night to do with sleep?" Of course he would say that, John Milton was blind. — 3 weeks 2 days ago

I'd rather have an honest man's word than a crooked man's signature. — 3 weeks 2 days ago

A friendship is a sum greater than the total of its parts. — 3 weeks 2 days ago

Rodeo is not a hobby. If you want a hobby, collect stamps. - Ty Murray, world champion — 3 weeks 2 days ago

Wish I could buy him for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth. — 3 weeks 2 days ago

It'd be like giving a watch to a clock to keep track of the time on its hands. — 3 weeks 2 days ago

Havin' you and your dog help is like havin' two good men not show up! — 3 weeks 2 days ago

They had the perfect arrangement: Nobody else would work for Leroy and nobody else would hire Tom. — 3 weeks 2 days ago